Two people bumping in the sheets.
kidding. We all know how babies are made.
This time last year I was already pregnant but I didn’t know it, I wouldn’t know until the end of April.
I spent most of this month in denial, I couldn’t be pregnant- we weren’t trying but we also weren’t being careful.
When we first found out there was no excitement. It was pretty much an “awe fuck” moment. What would we do? I had considered an abortion, but after a day and some research I decided against it.
By time I went to the doctors I was already 8 weeks or maybe it was 10 weeks pregnant. I didn’t have any morning sickness, at all. Actually, all around it was a smooth pregnancy.
My midwife was surprised and kept making it seem like there should be something wrong. Perhaps it was my lack of questions, but in my defense this is was my first and I had no idea what to ask (plus Im really good at researching-hellooo google!).
During the genetic screening test, I had tested positive for possible Down Syndrome. If you or someone you know has had this testing done they tell you they have a lot of false positives. With that in mind I denied any further testing to find out.I didn’t care, my little one was still mine no matter what.
Because of this positive though, around the 7th month I had to go in twice a week for NST (non stress test) and then once a week for an ultrasound. I was at the doctors a lot,way too much. The midwives were great though so I didn’t mind. I ended up looking forward to going. Who doesn’t love a comfy recliner?!
By the end of this pregnancy I was fucking done, I was tired with cankles. I was cranky and impatient. It was cold,I was hot. And this little one refused to come out by her due date. I tried almost everything to get her out. Waddling my way through the mall and up and down stairs is really comical.
Midwife was going to give me to the 42 week mark but there was no way I was staying pregnant any longer. Scheduled an induction on exactly my 41 week mark.
However, because her heart rate kept going down and my blood pressure going up I was induced the day before. And let me say it loud and clear IT SUCKS! Oh my god, how it sucks. I couldn’t get out of bed, stupid machines. I was induced at 4pm by 830 the next morning my water broke but I was feeling the contractions all through the night and slept maybe an hour.
By morning, the tiredness and pain kicked up a notch and I was asking for some pain medicine… okay lots of pain medicine. The greatest relief ever! I did get an epidural (fine i got 2) and I don’t regret it. Alright maybe a little since I was wayy too numb. Like spaghetti legs that I couldn’t feel. Was I really supposed to push a baby out when I couldn’t even feel my hooha.
Well turns out no I was not. I wasn’t dilating fast enough to keep up with her heart rate going down again and my blood pressure was going up. So emergency c section it was.
I was elated, relieved, and oh so very happy. I know most women don’t want a c section but at that point I just wanted it to be over. If I could have walked I would have walked straight into the operating room and plopped myself down on the table.
It wasn’t as bad as I thought, I almost fell asleep (i was sooo tired and so drugged up). I didn’t feel shit, except for my body moving from them wiggling out little one. Plus I got a mini vacation of staying in the hospital a few days, woot!
We came home, we struggled for the first few days like most new parents and babies but we have survived for the last 3.5 months.
Now, after that long boring story we come to the actual conclusion. After so many weeks I’ve decided that despite loving my poetry blog I apparently have things to say about this motherhood journey that I want to share.
I’ve been thinking about it for the last couple of days and have decided fuck it lets do it and see what happens. Ill be sharing my thoughts on certain topics and just my overall life experiences being a first time mom.
Hope you enjoy.