The First Fall: Accidents Happen.

It broke my heart.

It was as if my heart had fallen out of my chest and shattered into a million pieces.
I felt horrible. Terrible. Unbelievable bad. Was I already proving I was a bad mother?
I had put her down on the couch, like we do every morning. I pumped, scheduled posts for my other blog and made funny faces and noises to her while she laid next to me.
After I was done, I gave her Sally (her favorite doll) and ran to get a bottle of water from the fridge(10 feet away)
Grace and Sally, morning wrestling match.
As soon as I grabbed the bottle I heard a thump,quickly turning around and running I heard her crying and found her under the table.
My heart stopped.
I grabbed her as fast as I could and held her tight in my arms. She was just crying and crying. Then I was crying, while walking around the room, rocking her to calm her down.
She didn’t cry for long, just long enough to put the knife in my heart. I was devastated that I had allowed her to roll off the couch and onto the floor. I checked every inch of her and nothing appeared wrong. She had calm down and had taken the boob. All was good, on the outside.
I was still a nervous wreck, who now could either hide this from her father or tell him.
I couldn’t keep it from him, so when he texted me on his break I told him; he was pissed and repeatedly told me I should have put a pillow on the side of her so it wouldn’t happen. We can clearly see which one of us is the better parent. 😒
Ultimately,we both knew it was an accident. I was already beating myself up over it, no need to throw salt in the wound. He did jokingly say a couple of things about me dropping her. But it wasn’t meant to sting; Ill never be able to let it down.
Needless to say,  pillows will be our best friend and protector of little one.
-Heartbroken Mom

8 thoughts on “The First Fall: Accidents Happen.

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  1. I remember when Emma was first starting to walk and needed someone to hold her upright. I can’t tell you how many times she jerked away and I “let” her fall on her face. It used to make feel like a terrible dad but eventually you realize they are so much tougher than you can imagine.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. OMG YES! I can’t tell you how many times that would happen and she hadn’t figured out to put out her arms yet so she just face planted. It breaks our hearts when they get hurt, even worse when we feel responsible. But you certainly can’t beat yourself up over it. You are a great mommy!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. LOL again … don’t feel bad … she’ll fall off plenty of shit plenty of times 😉

    I remember when my youngest fell of the bed … same ‘thud’ you’re talking about … but she’d gone down the side and was stuck upside down, on a slight slant all i could see was her big chubby bubby leg waving around in the breeze. What was funny, is she didn’t cry … she just looked up at me and was sucking her thumb lol. It was me doing the crying !! xo

    Liked by 1 person

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