It broke my heart.
It was as if my heart had fallen out of my chest and shattered into a million pieces.
I felt horrible. Terrible. Unbelievable bad. Was I already proving I was a bad mother?
I had put her down on the couch, like we do every morning. I pumped, scheduled posts for my other blog and made funny faces and noises to her while she laid next to me.
After I was done, I gave her Sally (her favorite doll) and ran to get a bottle of water from the fridge(10 feet away)
As soon as I grabbed the bottle I heard a thump,quickly turning around and running I heard her crying and found her under the table.
My heart stopped.
I grabbed her as fast as I could and held her tight in my arms. She was just crying and crying. Then I was crying, while walking around the room, rocking her to calm her down.
She didn’t cry for long, just long enough to put the knife in my heart. I was devastated that I had allowed her to roll off the couch and onto the floor. I checked every inch of her and nothing appeared wrong. She had calm down and had taken the boob. All was good, on the outside.
I was still a nervous wreck, who now could either hide this from her father or tell him.
I couldn’t keep it from him, so when he texted me on his break I told him; he was pissed and repeatedly told me I should have put a pillow on the side of her so it wouldn’t happen. We can clearly see which one of us is the better parent. 😒
Ultimately,we both knew it was an accident. I was already beating myself up over it, no need to throw salt in the wound. He did jokingly say a couple of things about me dropping her. But it wasn’t meant to sting; Ill never be able to let it down.
Needless to say, pillows will be our best friend and protector of little one.